The Tale of the Allergist's Wife and Other Plays by Charles Busch

Author:Charles Busch [Busch, Charles]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780802196415
Publisher: Grove Atlantic
Published: 2001-02-15T05:00:00+00:00

The Doktor pulls back his fork and Gertrude realizes there’s poison in the sugar. She looks at the Doktor.

GERTRUDE (Elegantly.) Excuse me. (She gives her plate to Baron.) Excuse me. (She leans over the back of the sofa and violently throws it all up. The others quickly get out of the way.)

GERTRUDE I guess it didn’t agree with me.

AUGUSTA You have not fooled us, Fraülein Garnet.

Doktor crosses to a lever against the Upstage Left wall and pulls it up. A strong “interrogation” light hits Gertrude on the sofa.)

BARON Mother, let me handle this. Gertrude, you will tell us everything you know about Raina Aldric.

GERTRUDE She’s a great actress.

BARON Tell me more.

GERTRUDE I believe she made a silent film in ‘twenty-six.

BARON (Barks.) Do not be flippant! You have taken me for an idiot, but no more. Your life is in my hands. Raina Aldric has escaped her prison. You have helped her. Who are your confederates?

GERTRUDE (Terrified.) I don’t know what you’re talking about.

AUGUSTA Your friend, Kitty, she knew, didn’t she?

GERTRUDE (Emotionally.) You tell me, since I’m sure you were the last to see her alive.

BARON Where is Raina Aldric now? Tell me the truth!

GERTRUDE (Fighting for composure.) I don’t know where she is. Never met the dame.

DOKTOR Where is Raina Aldric?

GERTRUDE (Assuming a tough facade.) Don’t you guys listen? I told you I know nothing about that old lady. Got my own troubles, and if Goering, Goebbels and Himmler asked me, I’d tell ‘em the same. And get that light out of my eyes. What are you fitting me for, glasses?

AUGUSTA We will be fitting you for a coffin if you do not comply.

GERTRUDE Testy.

BARON Why should you be so loyal to your country? I thought you considered yourself a citizen of the world, Madame Gertrude Garnet (Gar-nay.)

GERTRUDE The name’s Gertie Garnet (In the American pronunciation.) I’m a citizen of Brooklyn, New York.

DOKTOR Brooklyn?

GERTRUDE Yeah, what’s it to you?

BARON This Brooklyn, it will soon be part of the Third Reich.

GERTRUDE (With defiant pride.) Brother, you may take the Maginot Line, but you’ll never take the Canarsie Line.

AUGUSTA Your bravado is quite pathetic.

GERTRUDE I give as good as I get.

DOKTOR You will tell us the truth. I have several medical methods that can be most excruciating.

GERTRUDE All right, I’ll give you some truth. This whole set up in Germany stinks. And your Führer, Herr Hitler, has only one nut to his name.

AUGUSTA (In a rage.) Damn you! Damn you!!!

BARON Mother, control yourself.

AUGUSTA (With mad fervor.) That is a filthy lie. The Führer has two enormous testicles!!

BARON I believe this is time to call in our next subject. Doktor Maximilian, have Karel bring in the young lady.

GERTRUDE Please don’t.

The Doktor pulls down the lever, killing the light. He calls for “Karel!” Karel enters with Heidi and pushes her towards the fireplace. Karel stands behind the sofa.)

BARON Good evening, Miss Mittelhoffer. So happy you could join us. Please answer a few questions, and then we shall release you. Where is Raina Aldric?

HEIDI (Lying very badly.

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